Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
