it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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