consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
