WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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