Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
