she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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