I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
