Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My bed smells like the plague
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