Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
