are you still at the devil's house?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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