I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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