don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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