Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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