Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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