Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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