i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
