dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
why is half of my head shaved?
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