Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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