i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
