help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
