well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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