His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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