I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
