Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
