we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
