She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
