He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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