He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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