is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
