When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
