were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Welp...herpes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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