this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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