Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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