We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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