Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize