so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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