I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
