This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
