If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
