I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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