Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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