I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize