guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
