Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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