we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
