just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
