Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You've changed since you got that strap on
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I love you.
Bad choice
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize