When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
