i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
