I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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