I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
