He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
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I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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