I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
And then he peed in my hair
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