were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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