the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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