Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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