I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
