if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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