so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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